My Parents Just Don’t Understand

We all feel like this at one point in our lives. I feel like I’m being redundant, because I say this in a lot of articles – but it’s the truth. When we are in the moment feeling a certain way, we often feel like we are the only ones going through that struggle. The truth is, many people before us have often gone through – and survived – that very same tough experience.

The parentals. They are the governance in your household, at times your best friend, and at other times, arch nemeses with an advantage over you.

Before I go into the most-case scenario, let me preface that by saying that some parents truly don’t understand you. It’s usually not for a lack of trying. But something about your teenage experience is drastically different, which can cause a disconnect. It is up to you to communicate to your parents, open up to them. Barring those few exceptions, they want you to open up to them. They have all of this life experience to share with you, they have all of this desire to protect you from harm and see you excel in everything you do. Granted, at times it doesn’t feel that way. When you divulge to your parents that you want to drop out in sophomore year, they might look at you like you’re crazy. Don’t assume that this is because they don’t understand you. And when they seem near to the point of being volatile at the sheer thought of you dropping out so you could attempt to be the next Dave Grohl, it isn’t because they don’t understand – it’s because they have a larger understanding of the world. It’s because they have seen others try and fail, and are trying to protect you from that same failure.

You might cringe at the thought of a real heart-to-heart with your parents. For some teens, this is a normal, nearly everyday occurrence. For others, they’d rather give up their cell phone for a week. No matter how strict your parents are, and no matter how closed off they seem, try to have a real conversation with them. If you do want to go so far a to confess wanting to pursue a career in music, don’t just approach them with that one-liner and then walk off: approach them with a solid plan as to what you plan to do, how you plan to succeed at your goal. They want to see that you’re taking your goals seriously. If your parents are so closed off to a real conversation, or if they claim to be busy, try again. If that doesn’t work, try again.

Remember when communicating with them that they, too, were teenagers once. They might not have had the wonders of Instagram or Twitter at their disposal, but for the life issues and decisions that really matter, they can be a wealth of knowledge. You’d be surprised at how much easier life can be when you attack issues or concerns with a team mentality rather than shouldering the burden on your own.

“Angry Parents” by Warlockss on DeviantArt

Something else to remember is that if your parents always seem angry or irritable, it doesn’t always have to do with you. I’d go so far as to say usually it’s not about you at all. Adults have worries that plague them throughout the day: work alone can cause a lot of stress. Then there’s bills to pay, mouths to feed, a house that needs cleaning, and every other task in between. If the majority of your conversations with your parents are in shouting-match-form because they seem to yell at you for no good reason, your mom or dad could be allowing the stresses in other areas of their lives to affect their treatment of you. They would avoid it if they could, trust me. But stress is a monster. You’re no doubt dealing with your own stress at school.

So your parents don’t yell at you – you get along just fine. They still don’t understand you? Introducing the most-case scenario, which is…some parents forget what it feels like to be a teacher. Depending on their age, they may be far-removed from that phase of their life. They may have selective memory and choose to forget what it was like, if they had a hard time in school. Or they might have so much going on in their current lives, with family and work that it doesn’t even occur to them. Or him. Or her.

When it seems like your parents don’t remember how hard being a teenager can be, it’s up to you to remind them. Not at the top of your lungs, and not in an overdramatic way. In a calm tone, just asking them, “You don’t remember how hard it was to be a teenager? You never had a problem with ______?” Sometimes it takes that prodding for them to sit down and really remember what it was like. In turn, let them know that you can’t imagine all of the craziness they’re dealing with at work. Surprise them once in awhile, by making a meal – if you know how. If you can’t operate a stove, then maybe whip up a nice sandwich lunch for them or something. LOL.

Once you establish that common ground, and once you are seeing from their perspective while they’re remembering what it’s like to see life from your perspective, ongoing communication should at least be easier. And so should the rest of your interaction with them. As people, we sometimes make life and relationships more complicated than it has to be. Interacting with your parents doesn’t have to be complicated at all.

 

The Awkward Files

Whenever I’m at home, or around the few friends I do have, I’m comfortable enough to speak my mind. But whenever I get around anyone else, I seem to never know what to do. I seem to never know what to say. The strangest stuff comes out of my mouth, and I don’t even know where it comes from. Just my nervousness talking and fighting its way out, which always causes awkwardness.

I feel like I don’t fit in, like no one understands me. Whenever I walk into class, I feel like everyone’s staring at me…like I have a spitball in my hair or something. That feeling just causes me to feel even more awkward.

Pause.

You’re in high school. High school is that important period of your life, the period where you get to live out your last days as a kid while preparing yourself for adulthood. You’re growing, learning how to interact with other people, and guess what – so is everyone else in class. There are going to be the kids who are social butterflies, who speak without any awkward breaks or pauses, as if they’ve been doing it for far much longer than you have. A lot of other kids in your school feel the same way you do, though.

When you are in school, you’re surrounded by peers. They are kids who are no better than you are, no worse than you are. There is no need to be nervous around them. They’d probably relate to you more than you think.

As far as feeling understood…almost no one feels understood in high school. It’s almost a prerequisite to feel misunderstood. You’re a teenager.

So relax, and talk to who you want to talk to. Crack a joke when you feel comfortable enough and don’t worry about how the person receives it. Instead of stressing out over the little things, savor this time in your life. It’s fleeting, and for many people, high school are some of the best years of their lives. There is much for you to look forward to, but enjoy the fun moments that you’re currently living. Always strive to be the best version of yourself. Instead of fitting in, allow your bright personality to stand out.

The Benefits of Planning

There are definite upsides to spontaneity, and it’s refreshing when someone has the ability to spring surprises on the fly. With that being said, though, there are also great benefits to planning and writing down your ideas.

Any entrepreneur or aspiring entrepreneur should get in the habit of planning and writing out your ideas. Have you ever gotten an amazing idea, only to forget it hours or days later? Have you ever told someone that you could make it to an event, only to discover later on that you had something else scheduled for that date and approximate time? These are all completely avoidable, simply by writing down your ideas and planning out your weeks.

Benefits of planning:

1)     Instead of forgetting great ideas, you will be able to keep track of them, which will in turn help you to more efficiently execute them.

2)     Important tasks will be at the forefront of your mind, if you continue to see them written down on paper. Case-in-point, I wrote down in my planner that I wanted to find a new gym. This is usually the type of idea that would bounce around in my head for a few weeks, at which point it would get lost somewhere at the back of my mind while other tasks took precedence. Since I’d written the task down, though, I continued to see it on a daily basis. One day when I was lying around not doing much, I decided to hop on the internet and check for 24-hour gyms in my area.

3)     Planning will help you to keep a grip on your schedule. It’s a great way to know what you need to do and when you need to do it. This will allow you to schedule other events and tasks in days that you actually have available. Don’t forget to include you in your schedule some well-deserved down time, and time to just relax. As the saying goes, “All work and no play…”

4)     Writing down your tasks and checking them off works as a wonderful checks and balance system. There are several benefits of this:

a.     Writing down your tasks helps you to hold yourself accountable – if you have a task in mind to do and fail to complete it, it’s easier to brush off than a written task you continue to see in your calendar.

b.     Checking off tasks helps you to feel empowered, and as if you’ve accomplished something. This feeling can be quite addictive, and could result in you wanting to complete more tasks, if for no other reason, just to check them off.

c.       This checks and balance, self-discipline system ties into ways to keep yourself motivated, which will be covered in a separate article.

5)     Writing down your schedule will help make it easier to balance your work and family life, making sure to devote time to both so that neither is neglected.

You aren’t locked into only one method of planning/scheduling. There are a few different ways that you can try. It’s up to you to determine what system works best for you:

1)     Using cell phone apps – These days, our phones are used for literally just about anything. You can use your calendar app to set alerts and notifications for tasks/events. There are also a bunch of notepad/checklist apps that you can use to keep track of tasks that need to be completed, and tasks you have completed.

2)     Using an old-fashioned, handy dandy agenda planner – And while I say “old-fashioned,” people have found ways to modernize the planning experience in agenda planners. There are a myriad of sticker and page decorating options that make the experience more entertaining and eye-appealing. There are a selection of leather, slick-looking planners that make the item look like a fashionable accessory.

3)     Keeping a desk calendar or wall calendar in a home office or somewhere else easily accessible at home or at your work office.

Sometimes you won’t have a pen, or your agenda, or your phone, readily available. Use whatever tools you have available or make a mental note to yourself to note down your idea or plan whenever you’re able. Planning out your schedule and writing down your ideas does take time. It also takes time to find a system that works for you. The benefits far outnumber the cons. Do yourself a favor and get to planning.